Duchy of Cornwall Ceremonial Hat

[Pe├▒a Oxford United]

Not the Dorchester I used to cycle to on Sundays 0 Not the team I used to watch on Saturdays 5 (o.g. 5)

777 111

UE: Oxford fans travelling to the game by car find themselves held up, their journey becoming slower and slower as they get into rural Dorset: they are then caught in a storm, and when it finishes their cars are stuck behind a herd of dairy cows. Finally, in frustration, they abandon their cars for horses and arrive at the ground at the gallop.

[Mooro]

1-2 (Mudge // Guy, Dobson)
Att 712 238

UE - John Hollins not spotted in the crowd.

[newhinkseyyellow]

Dorchester 0 Oxford 2 (Guy, Deering)

732 (157)

UE - Oxford win away!

[Radley Rambler]

Dorchester 1 Uninspiring Rubbish 0

Mudge

Att: 800 with 200 yellows

UE: Patto welcomes the defeat stating that we can now concentrate on the league campaign - to stay up that is.

[Baboo]

2-0
Mudge 2
800
250
UE: Patto walks into the centre circle at full time, digs a hole in the ground, leaps in and is never seen again.

[A-Ro]

0 - 0

Still 0 - 0 after extra time

0 - 0 after the first 3 penalties have been taken

We lose 2 - 0 on penalties, Dorchester only having to take 3.

876 with 234 hardy souls who's only wish at the end of the night is to poke their own eyes out.

[Hog]

0-1
Day gets the last touch
1234
200
UE: You mean apart from Utd winning? Turley scores at the 'right' end, Trainer plays up front with Deering. And Patterson leaves his post by, dunno, midday tomorrow? And to make it even more unexpected ... he doesn't resign!

[boris]

Doors 9 Bonzo Dog Doo Dah Band 1
Turley (9 ogs) Turley (pen)
1111 (333)

UE: Turley takes to the field wearing a clown's nose, clown's boots, and clown's gloves, which he forgets to remove during the game. He also wears a blindfold.
2,000 Oxford supporters descend on Dorchester, only realising five minutes before kick off that they should have gone to the one in Dorset.

[Yellow River]

Town 1 Oxford 1

Fogden, Haldane.

850 (175)

UE Billy Turley is United's hero saving a penalty then scores from the spot himself as Oxford win the penalty shoot-out.

[Pe├▒a Oxford United]

2,000 Oxford supporters descend on Dorchester, only realising five minutes before kick off that they should have gone to the one in Dorset.

Of course, five minutes after kick-off the supporters who go to Dorset will realise that...

[scooter]

Dorcs 1 Dorks 2

Day og, Haldane, Yemi.

706

187

UE Hinchliffe starts

[Snake]

Them 0 Us 2 (Guy, Constable)

Att: 1234 with 345 of Us

UE1: A herd of wildebeest briefly hold up the penalty shoot out.
UE2: It doesn’t turn out to be the biggest pile of cack in our cackiest season ever.
UE3: It turns out to be the biggest pile of cack in our cackiest season ever.

[A-Ro]

Them 0 Us 2 (Guy, Constable)

Att: 1234 with 345 of Us

UE1: A herd of wildebeest briefly hold up the penalty shoot out.
UE2: It doesn’t turn out to be the biggest pile of cack in our cackiest season ever.
UE3: It turns out to be the biggest pile of cack in our cackiest season ever.

UE points witheld until such point as it can be determined whether this is our cackiest season ever or not.

[Shoobedoo]

Dorcs 9 - 1 Dregs
Mudge (9), Yemi (pen)

1,116
215

UE: Biggest cheer of the night is reserved for Yemi's consolation penalty. No Oxford fans are there to witness it, having long since left to throw themselves off Portland Bill. Bob The Builder is the new manager of Oxford United (can he fix it? er no).

[theox]

Dorchester 2-0 Oxford
Mudge, Quinn og
765 (196)

UE - the game is moved to Old Trafford at the last minute due to someone informing the police that over 70,000 plan to attend the match.