Diamond Titfer

[Shoobedoo]

Cubic Zirconia 0 – 3 Diamonds
Burgess Wolleaston Corcoran.

4,923
481

UE: For being the root of all the clubs’ ills, the entire OxVox committee are hung, drawn and quartered on the pitch at half time.

[YellowHoods]

Single Malts 0 Double Diamonds 1

OxVox own goal

4,215
0 (best showing for some time)

&quotSack the board, sack the board, sack the board ....&quot

[Pe├▒a Oxford United]

The bane of Nick Merry's health 1 (o.g. The source of Nick Merry's wealth 1 (o.g.

4444 (444)

The fall of the pig's head results in an immediate turnaround in the club's off-pitch fortunes, so much so that work starts on the fourth stand immediately the game is over. Kelvin Thomas presides over a short ceremony, which includes some short words in praise of gypsies to ward off the famous Curse. &quotTo work!&quot he finally cries. &quotLift up your hammers!&quot

[Yellow River]

United 2 Diamonds 1

Guy, Hutchinson, Burgess.

4885 (485)

UE Whilst skipping through a static Rushden defence in the 5th minute of injury time, Oxvox's very own Trevor Lambert (an emergency loan signing - due to injuries) calmly slips the ball under the on-rushing Rushden goal keeper to net the winner and clearly heard to be singing 'You've got my number, Why don't you use it? You know my name, You won't abuse it, If you wanna wanna wanna wanna Wanna have someone to talk to, Why don't you ring my number ? Why don't you ring my number now ? Let's say goodbye, I couldn't stand it, You've got my number, Why don't you use it?

[A-Ro]

I'm going to give us a chance.

0 - 1 Burgess 4567 456

[theox]

Oxford 1-2 Rushden
Haldane - Burgess, Corcoran
4,546 (312)

UE - Kelvin Thomas is, in fact, Nick Merry's superhero alter-ego! His special ability is the Jedi Mind Trick resulting in the stadium being bought from Kassam for a packet of cheese and onion crisps.

[Snake]

Pile of Crap 1 (Guy) Rubbish and Dustbins 1 (Burgess)

Att: 4567 with 234 of Them

UE: Kelvin falls out with Ian Lenagan and Jim Rosenthal is made chairman on Saturday night. There is a pre-match whip round for the directors dinners.

[Mooro]

Gonna be great game finishing
Oxford 3 R&ampD 2 (Guy, Yemi, Carruthers //Burgess, Corcoran)
Att 4321 Away 418

UE - Trevor returns to his car after the game to find his tyres let down and rude words written on the paintwork in Tippex.
UE2 - Half-time presentation sees Kelvin Thomas present Nick Merry with a pair of club socks as a leaving present.

[Geoff]

Walkedout 1 (Guy) Rushden 1 (Burgess). Attendance 4,300. Away crowd 220.

Unexpected event: Donald Maclean is spotted in the crowd.

[Zeke]

Us 1 Them 1 4650 486 Haldane Clare

[Ancient Colin]

Ox 1 Irthling 2
Guy, Clare Rankine
4,444, 444

Kelvin Thomas takes a burst balloon out of an empty honey jar, then puts it back in again. He wanders around looking for his office: he's sure it was there this morning, but there's nothing there now. It was damp in his part of the woods, it wasn't so hot: in fact, quite between ourselves, at 3pm on a Saturday afternoon, it was cold.

[Pe├▒a Oxford United]

[Mally]

HR 2 R&ampD 1

Guy, Yemi, Burgess

4801, 233

UE: The team run out to &quotGod Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen&quot Meanwhile Ian Lenagan is left stranded outside when he turns up late and the stewards refuse to let him in the ground not having a clue who he is.

[Mally]

Stop Press: Lyrics for new anthem released:

God rest ye merry, gentlemen,
Let nothing you dismay.
Remember, Kelvin, our Saviour,
Was hired the other day.
To save us all from Kassam’s power,
When rent we cannot pay.
O tidings of Kelvin and Jim,
Kelvin and Jim,
O tidings of Kelvin and Jim.

[Radley Rambler]

Coal 1 Diamonds 2

Yemi, Burgess, Clare

Att: 5000 with 400 of them