Rage Online

Them 1 Us 3
(Risser: Heslop, Smalley, Duberry)
Att 12,895 (away 2,920 not including Snake)
UE: All trains to and from S***don arrive and leave precisely on time.

Honda 1 (Risser) BMW 1 (Heslop)

Att 12,000 (2,920 in away sections)

UE: PDC sent off to sit in stand in first half.

Swinedown Town from the town of stupid roundabouts in the county named after an underperforming cock 1

The Mighty Oxford United FC from the City of dreaming spires in God's own Garden 2

Kennedy (or one other of the podgy fingered piggy fiddlers)

Constable, Smalley

13,500 (of which 3000 don't have a Sister/Wife Brother/Dad Farmyard Animal/Yokel combination in their gene pool)

UE The crowd join hands across the divide and sing &quotWe are the world&quot

Scum 0 Us 1 (Leven)

Att : 14321 with 3210 of Us

UE : All circuses in the UK temporarily closed as many of the attractions have tickets for the Town End. The home crowd is kept behind after the game for genealogical study at the instance of the Home Office.

Sorry to be the one with a downer on this as I have been to S****** so many times travelling with hope to have it dashed yet again so:

S****** 2 Us 0 (don't care who scores for them).

12,350 (2,890 away)

UE we win at Slumdon and wit my United supporting friends all away on holiday etc, it is left to Clive to go on his own- he saw that away game we won back in what 1973?

Big-eared boys 0-1 Oxford boys 1 (Beano)
Att 12,222 (3001)
UE: PDC runs on to the pitch and pushes the ref over, recalling former glories.

XTC 1 (Risser) RADIOHEAD 3 (Heslop, Constable, Dubs)

Att 12,234 (3,001)

UE: Oxford turn up in a one off away kit brown shirt...

Idiots 1 - Educated 1

Risser - Heslop

Att 12,431 (2989)

UE: Wilder decks di canion and post match reveals he is a hippy at heart does not condone violence but facists really wind him up.

Inbreds 1 - 1 Ubermensch
Connell, Davis
11,283 - of whom 2877 have the correct number of fingers

UE: Both sets of supporters sing complimentary songs about Reading.

Have you any idea of how much I don't want to make this prediction?

HOG

Win 2-1
Constable, Guy, Clarke
12999
2888
UE: I'm able to slip away at the final whistle and be at work in Hampshire at 4pm like I'm supposed to be and don't have to go any where near the railway station


HOGLETTE

Win 2-1
Heslop, Guy, Bodin
13109
2908
UE: My dad lets me go to the game (like that's going to happen!)

Pig Hill inbreds 0 Men of mountains 2

Guy and Hall

11,246 of which 2,876 from glory land

UE: I'm stuck in Paris and missing a PigHillions v Mighty Men match for the first time since I started supporting the mighty yellows some 30 years ago.

UE2: An OUFC supporter sprays the magic roundabout with OUFC.

UE3: A PigHillion admits that Oxford United are superior in every way.

Bad 0 Good 1 (Doobs)

12,449 (2,987)

UE. After the game the Police stand back and applaud as celebrating Oxford fans dance a wild conga around the Magic Roundabout.

Scumdon 1 Yellows 1 (Beano)
att 11395 (2474)

UE 97th minute equaliser for the mighty Us after the game is held up by brain dead Scumdon fans trying to burn SFCT on their own pitch and setting fire to their feet.

Worzel Gummidge 1-1 Aunt Sally

Some web-toed three-headed national socialist whose uncle is also his sister, I don't care which. Smalley.

13000 of whom 2800 will need specially vaccinating to attend the game.

UE murmurings from the Arkell's Stand reach a new volume record for the Kewnty Grewnd and the public health authorities need to be called in when they top a remarkable 25dB (whilst rumours that the locals are set to sing at a match for the first time since 1969 prove to be unfounded). Meanwhile, Swindling illegally pay their players, call the game off during 'high winds' just because they have several injuries, play all in a desolate atomic wasteland in a kit that's all red without being able to think of another colour, talk like yokels and once tried to hook a reflection of the moon out of a deep puddle just because they're stupid.