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OU 3 HaY 0 Constable Haldane Trainer 3000 123

There, that should see us out of the FA Cup.

Us 1 (Guy) Them 0

Att: 2345 with 222 of Them

UE: We get Slumdon away in the next round.

Didn't merge with Reading 5 (o.g. 5) Did merge with Yeading 0

3333 (111)

The visitors, to mark the importance of the occasion, come in a special all-silver away kit and, in an elaborate ceremony, present each of the Oxford players with a silver rose.

Monkees 5 Hayes hey 1
Deering 5 Deering (og)
2999 (299)

UEs: The score is 1-1 as the game enters stoppage time, when United's superior fitness comes to the fore.
We get Oxford City away in the next round.
We get thrown out the competition for fielding an ineligible player, as Haldane's loan contract contains a clause in very small print preventing him from getting cup tied.
We get thrown out of the competition for fielding an illegible player, as no one can decipher Haldane's alleged signature on his contract and it's deemed to belong to his three-year-old niece.

You just know that it will be a draw, so 1-1 (Constable, Turley (og))
3876 (58)

UE - Turley hammers the ball into his own net in frustration at the defence letting H&ampY score, only to then realise that Carruthers had made yet another last ditch goalline clearance. Turley still proceeds to berate Foster.
UE2 - We sail through a cup tie against lower league opposition

Win
2-1
Trainer, Constable, Fitzgerald
2345
101
UE: One shot hits both posts, Turley saves two penalties and United progress to the 4th Round proper:bookmark that last one Frank! (You can always delete it at 4:55 pm.

Fog 2 – 1 Haze (&amp Yeading)
Deering, Trainer Fitzgerald.

2,841
183

UE: City get a bigger crowd at CPF than United do at the Kas.

Ox 1 Yays and Heading 2
Guy, Scott, Fitzgerald
2,222, 222

H&ampY's 22 players comfortable outnumber Ox's 11 resulting in a well deserved win, but a shortage of hot water in the changing rooms. Peña and Mally are led by Virgil* down a crack at the bottom of the South Stand that opens up to reveal the various circles of hell, reaching the 9th circle, to find the winged figure of Kassam, chewing on the head of Merry while crushing the bodies of Cox and Herd with his talons. Hell freezes over and Oxford progress to the first round proper.

* not sure why a Thunderbirds pilot is helping out, but there you go, that's Italian poets for you.

'oxford 4 - 1 'ayes

guy x 2 Constable x 2

4067 Us
450 chelsea rejects

ue: It transpires that in order for Kelvin to wrestle control of the club from PHOAS he actually DID have to wrestle PHOAS in a giant tub of jelly, and to celebrate the fact that this happened, the half time entertainment is a wrestlathon lead by Rosie and Les Taylor and involving most of the youth team. Half way through the event the Manorettes run on to the pitch, intent on joining in, but to their dismay they discover the jelly is strawberry flavour and that it's bad for your skin, so they run back to the stands just as fast. Possibly

Oxford 3 Yeading 2.

Guy 3, Scott 2,

Att. 2950 (Away 150)

UE. Whilst Guy celebrates an 18 minutes hatrick he is clearly heard to be humming the tune of Puff The Magic Dragon.

Ho's 6 - 0 Hey's
Yemi x6
4772, 231

UE: Fabio Capello spotted in the stands. Oxford fans get excited, but it turns out he's here to watch a H&ampY player

Us 2 (Haldane 2) Hayes/Yeading 0

Ue - Oxford City away in next round

Lucky 7's 7 (SEVEN) A's 8 but no-one types in (EIGHT). The press think it looks like a 6 and Oxford go through.

8000 crowd. 5000 from Hayes justifying the clubs decision to shut the north stand to home fans.

Guy 7 Fitzgerald 8 (SIX)

United 6-0 H&ampY

Deering, Murray, Constable (2) Guy (2)

2,749 (198)

UE: United draw City in round one of the FA Cup

Shifty Disco 4 (Constable 2, Guy, Trainer) EMI...rasp 1 (Scott)

3,333 (150)

UE When the Hayes and Yeading players get off the team bus they head towards the field on the other side of Grenoble Road to find the changing hut.