Rage Online

It was a long time, after that final penalty, until I could speak. My silence was eventually broken my those immortal words &quotD'you want a cup of tea&quot

The first thing I spoke about was the sheer frustration at having something, that is such an integral part of your life and your make up, give you so much hurt. The frustration that, unlike most things in life, you can't walk away from it, you can't avoid it. No matter how big the aggravation, the attachment will always be there.

Yes, you could not go to games or move to the other side of the world, but it will always remain. It's so deep routed in me / my personality. It makes me wonder if I'm being fair on my little boy, trying to install the same passion and association with our club. After all, who wants it, who needs it. All too painful.

But then there are the highs. Oh yes, apparently they are still there. Brighter days ahead for sure. We've had our fill of hurt, we must be almost immune by now. So when the success arrives, no matter how small, it will feel so very special. As supporters, we'll put up with anything in search of that high.

So, if like me, this club was given to you, rather than one you choose, there is no escape. It's a life sentance and a life time commitment.

Arhhhhhh, I feel better for that !!!

On reflection, I think it was worse.

Echoing others, Orient was horrible, but at the same time there was a sense of a corner about to be turned. The new people were in, they hadnt quite managed to save us, yet they had great plans and new sense of optimism for the future was infusing through the place again.

This time, was a sense that we'd blown our chance to get back. The worries are returning for next year - reduced budget, questions over the manager/style, realisation of how difficult it will be to get out of this league (2nd place, 81 points still not enough) &amp an overall sense of gettting sucked into the scramble that is the Conference promotion melee.
And, let's be honest, a rare chance to see your side at Wembley snatched away at the final second.

No, last time was lashing out at the past and frustration of what that had led to, but on reflection an air of optimism for the year ahead.
This time was just a numbing realisation that the honeymoon is over, and the reality of a long, long struggle to get back up lies ahead. The budgets are being cut and the light at the end of the tunnel was the first to be turned off!