************JOB VACANCY************

[Banbury Blue]

Manager of Swinedon down fc

KEY CRITERIA:
The successful applicant must have,at least 16 fingers and be from a local family with at least 250 years history of inbreeding.You must also have at least 6 brothers and sisters preferably deformed,that would be willing to entertain the players, before, at half time, and after all matches,with a variety of lewd acts which involve local cattle and residents from the local night shelter.Any knowledge of football is not a necessity but experience of relegation would give you a distinct advantage when applying.You must also have experience in entertaining between 5-6000 severely deformed muppets,all of which have severe learning difficuties,on a fortnightly basis.These muppets are easily pleased,and sending out 11 retards dressed in red for 90 minutes usually does the trick.A clean driving License is essential,and experience of navigating round-abouts could come in handy,although grace is given when arriving several hours late for work.APPLICANTS WITH EXPERIENCE OF MANAGING A SIDE FROM LEAGUE 1 OR ABOVE NEED NOT APPLY.

SALARY £2.00 PER HOUR,NON NEGOTIABE.
PERKS INCLUDE:new nail and toe clippers every six months
,Free subscription to teenage MUTANT magazine,free use of the merry-go round outside the ground,note: this can get busy on match days,Plus a programme from OXFORD UNITED FOOTBALL CLUB,every six months, to remind you how the other half live.GOOD LUCK.