How good a United fan are you ?

From the Rage Online newsdesk Thursday, February 1st, 1990  


Study the questions below carefully then mark down whether you think A, B or C fits you best. Scores below.

1) Kevin Maxwell drives past you very slowly as you are leaving the ground after a dreadful home defeat. Do you
A. Raise your hat politely and wipe a piece of birdshit off his wing mirror?
B. Stare at him blankly and wonder where you’ve seen those eyebrows before?
C. Hammer on the windows and deliver a devastating attack on his chairmanship and the way the Maxwells are running down the club?

2) United waste possession for the thirty-seventh time in a match by pumping a high ball onto the head of the opposing centre-half. Do you
A. Scream ‘Jump higher, Stein, he’s only 6′ 10′!’
B. Check your lottery ticket again, look at the thoughtfully provided temperature gauge at the Cuckoo Lane End and wonder what’s for tea?
C. Run through a list of midfield players Oxford could buy, write a letter to Brian Horton naming then and pointing out that Oxford’s best wins this season have all come from playing the ball to feet?

3) John Durnin barges into you in a pub and, in broad Scouse, shouts ‘Hey, did you shpill my pint?’ Do you
A. Put him out of action for a month, ensuring that Lee Nogan has to play in the first team?
B. Buy him another drink?
C. Get him a black coffee, take his car keys and tell him not to come back till he’s broken the club scoring record?

4) The season ends with Dean Saunders topping the goalscoring lists, most of them created by Trevor Hebberd. Then Ireland wins the World Cup with Ray Houghton and John Aldridge tying for player of the tournament. Do you
A. Say ‘Oh well, Robert Maxwell did save the club… drone… drone… and where would we have been without Dave Leworthy… drone… and Billy Whitehurst’?
B. Come over all nostalgic for the silky skills of Sean Reck and John Dreyer?
C. Make a large donation to the Pergamon strikers?

5) Oxford finishes just below mid-table, providing pleasure, pain, excitement, boredom, joy and anguish along the way. Do you
A. Change to watching faceless men driving smelly little motorbikes round and round a mud track?
B. Come to the occasional big game the following season and start to forget who half the team are?
C. Make your views heard through the FSA and Raging Bull, come to even more matches for the love of live football and get behind the team?

For each ‘A’ award yourself 1 point, for each ‘B’ 2 points, and for each ‘C’ 5 points.
5 – 10 shame on you, your name is probably Pat McGeough.
11 – 16 must try harder.
17 – 25 right on!! If only you were a millionaire you could launch a take-over bid.

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