Sincerely the Crappiest Poetry you will ever read ...

Stirring Giant

September 17, 2002

If you go down Grenoble RoadLook out for the giant who’s sleeping.In truth, it’s not much of a giant,But you’ll hear it gently weeping.You have to listen for the sound,Because you’ll never find a sign.The owners say they’ll put one up,But it’s going to take some time.Meanwhile, someone has shook things up,The ‘stars’ jump out […]

JANUARY

August 20, 2002

The first of January, Ninety-One,Saw the boys from Ipswich Town undone.Jimmy and John put us 2-nil aheadAnd by the time Town scored the game was dead.Then off to the Bridge the away fans went,To see Chelsea’s season given a dent.United in red were a delight to the eye,We left SW6 on an incredible high.Back to […]

GARRY

August 20, 2002

So Ooh Aah Garry Smart is no morefrom the London Road we used to callyour hair was short, wavy and curlybut your body was never ever burly.Some may say ‘Thank God he’s gone’but for your passing and effort I do longYou never reached those dizzy heightsof a ball in the net that was in your […]

The Smithsonian Institute

August 20, 2002

The ancient manor once was an academy(I’m doing my best so don’t think bad of me)where ballet was the essence of a graceful sport(It’s my first effort it took a great deal of thought)But today tis bleak and darkness descendsin spite of it all we still have friendswe watch and we wince and we suffer […]

ODE TO LEE (AND WAYNE)

March 9, 2002

(Best sung to the tune of Kirsty MacColl’s ‘Walking Down Madison’!)Watching Lee MaddisonOn loan from Carlisle he has comeI swear he must be Atkins’ sonHe’s taken him wherever he’s gone!Hatswell’s been shown the doorCracking own goal he did scoreThough we won’t see him any moreThere’s still lots of hoofing, that’s for sure!Warwickshire Yellow

As Radical As Billy Bunter

September 30, 2001

A response to the Green candidate in the local council by-election in Blackbird Leys.There’s global warming, climate change, submerging English towns.And huge great lakes where recently there used to be the Downs!The great polluters flourish as our planet sadly cries.We’re permanently sodden under sullen leaded skies.The odds were stacked against us, a hard battle indeed.A […]

DENIS-DO-A-RUNNA

November 14, 2000

denis do the decent thingand never ever returnnow that kempy’s come herewe’ll geta decent runhop in your carand take that coatand surrender your sharesand never votego and join malcolmdown with the scumor sit at homeand scratch your bumdon’t come backyou’re not welcome ‘eredenis-do-a-runnaand make my yearportly

STEPHEN SPENDER AT OXFORD

July 29, 2000

I Think Continually Of 20 April 1986I think continually of those who were truly greatWho, at the Manor, created our club?s historyWith terraces of delight, where fathers took their sons,Endlessly singing. Whose playing ambitionWas that their hands, after playing with desire,Should hold the Cup, ribboned from head to foot in yellow.And grew more confident with […]

VIEW OF A REAL PIG

July 29, 2000

Billy Whitehurst?s career is finally dead.He weighed, they said, as much as three men.Eyes closed, playing only in snatchesHis lack of skill stuck out.Such weight and thick pink bulkSet in a player seemed not just bad,It made him less than lifeless, further offThe ball, just like a sack of spuds.I heckled him without feeling remorseOne […]

ODE TO PETER FEAR

July 26, 2000

He came to us from Wimbledon,We were told he was quite good –‘He’ll strengthen the midfield, boys’.If only we’d understood.You see, he’s good at warming benches,And training in the park,But put him on the pitchAnd he’s bloody rubbish.Laurence B – Oxford’s answer to Ewan McGregor